An ice cream is a ‘win’ when holidaying with an eating disorder

An ice cream is a ‘win’ when holidaying with an eating disorder

Almost a year has passed since Summer was diagnosed with her eating disorder (ED). I glimpse signs of recovery more often, but sometimes, we get thrown back into the darkness. The darkness doesn’t last as long now, though, before hope reappears. I know hope is always there despite being hard to see sometimes.

Summer has been battling the internal beast called ED bravely. She has become much stronger in her healthy-self mind, although she doesn’t always feel strong. She still struggles with things that most people consider normal, but to her, these things are far from normal.

Certain foods will freak her out, and the thought of eating with people she doesn’t know or does know, but are not me and her sister, scares her. These are just a few of the difficulties she faces every day. There are many complex thoughts in Summer’s mind related to food, and the struggles and challenges that she faces daily are very real and intense. To me, she is nothing short of Tom Cruise in Mission: Impossible.

We have zigzagged our way through three months of summer holidays, and soon, it’s time to return to school. A school Summer doesn’t want to go back to because her past year there scarred her emotionally and left her with bad memories. She felt let down by friends when she needed them most and dreaded seeing them. We are thinking about changing schools, but Summer needs to be a little stronger in her healthy self and more confident to start at a new school. She doesn’t want to be labelled the ‘weirdo’ from the start and feel left out again.

The summer months were challenging. We went on a couple of trips, which were both unsettling and fun. We didn’t really plan meals or snacks, except for the days we were travelling, but I did bring things as a Plan B, should Plan A – different snacks, ice cream – fail miserably.

During the first trip, we stayed in a hotel we’ve visited annually for the past eight years, so we knew the drill. Meals were included, so we were ‘prepared’ for what was coming. A huge challenge was eating in the dining room with many strangers, plus my mother and father, Summer’s grandparents.

Summer put every inch of effort into making it a success, which – with a few ups and downs – it was. We also improvised snacks while taking walks on the beach, just the three of us: me, Summer, and her sister. The first day, I ate two ice creams just to help Summer eat hers, and it was worth every bite! After that, we had an ice cream every day; I’ve never been a fan of ice cream, but I am truly starting to love it! All the flavours now bring back good memories, as they each remind me of the huge steps Summer has been taking to get better.

A few weeks later, we went on a trip, just the three of us; we had booked a little house a six-hour drive from where we live. The house was adorable; the pool and the sea were fantastic. Here, we had to do our own meals. w

We had a small kitchen in the house, and I’d never done so much food shopping on a holiday before. We saw more supermarkets than anything else. We also went out for meals a few times, which were probably the biggest challenges for Summer; it wasn’t easy for her. The first time we went out for a meal was on my birthday, which happened to be while we were on our holiday. Summer was adamant we go somewhere nice for dinner.

Of course, being the first time out for a meal after many months, our organisation was far from sensible, and we didn’t plan it properly. We walked around for almost an hour, only to find that all the restaurants were fully booked, and we ended up in a random restaurant, which seemed nice enough given our little choice.

The best waiter in the world

We were very lucky. I don’t think we could have chosen a better restaurant because we had the best waiter in the world. We took an hour to order and another hour to eat, while sitting in one of the busiest restaurants in the old centre of a highly popular coastal town, and the waiter never so much as gave us a bad look. He would smile and say, “It’s okay, take your time.”

I don’t think this waiter had any idea how much his patience and kindness helped us get through dinner while trying to maintain our composure, which we were all close to losing at certain times.

Our return home and to normality plunged us back into a deep hole. We had one of the most disastrous weeks in a long time. I had half expected it to happen because even though the change of scenery was good for all of us, I knew it was highly unsettling, especially for Summer. Before our holiday, we had – again – changed therapists and nutritionists. Now, for the first time, I feel we’re on the right track.

The new therapists are thorough. They make us feel that we’re not just their five-o’clock appointment. They truly care about Summer’s well-being and manage to give her the sense of security and trust she needs. They have helped us climb out of the darkness, and we are trying hard to maintain our course.

All in all, our holidays weren’t as relaxing as they would’ve been before Summer’s illness. Still, they were a fantastic experience, and I see this holiday as a milestone in Summer’s recovery. We had both hoped—maybe even expected—that she would’ve already been further in her recovery, but I think this was slightly too optimistic on our part. This illness needs time to heal, and our therapists and nutritionists were not the right fit for Summer.

I look forward to starting a new part of our journey, where Summer works with her new treatment team. She is returning to her old school, but only until she can move to a new school and be open to making new friends.