In diet culture, ‘gain’ is feared and despised

In diet culture, ‘gain’ is feared and despised

Gain is not a four-letter word—at least not in the bad way fostered in diet culture. Diet culture taught me to fear and hate that word for decades. As I strived to achieve and maintain a smaller version of my body, I became a smaller version of myself partly because of the fear instilled in me about gaining weight.

I am not alone in this. I cannot think of one person I know who hasn’t struggled with the fear of weight gain, whether they have been diagnosed with an eating disorder or not. The media and medical professionals warn us about the danger of gaining weight; it is everywhere nowadays. Health is defined as losing, not gaining, and escaping the constant brainwashing is difficult but possible.

There is power in redefining words. Since recovering from anorexia nervosa, I have decided to take back the word “gain” and give it a new, improved meaning. After decades of treating that word as awful and dangerous, I’m looking at it in a different light. After all, it is just a word and has no power over me. Its power comes from how it is defined, and the definition diet culture has given it is too narrow and shallow.

Gaining weight — good for babies, bad for adults

In the medical world, newborns are weighed and measured frequently to ensure they gain enough weight to thrive and develop properly. There’s even a phrase used when babies and children are below the desired growth curve—failure to thrive. It is interesting how, at a certain point, doctors stop encouraging weight gain and focus on weight loss.

If a child begins to gain “too much” weight, this is seen as a cause for alarm and shame, which can lead to the development of eating disorders or, at the very least, disordered eating. The growth rates and patterns of humans are too complex and varied for these types of judgments to be made with accuracy and validity, but that doesn’t stop diet culture from imposing them on everyone.

I challenge those who teach us to fear the word “gain” to learn more about how this phenomenon can cause a failure to thrive of a different kind.

Dieting affects more than our body size

Having spent most of my life doing my best to lose weight or maintain a small enough size to be considered “acceptable,” I suspect I might have failed to thrive in different areas of my life.

I’ll never know if I would have developed more lasting friendships if I hadn’t been preoccupied with eating disorder thoughts and behaviours, but there could be a correlation. I’ll also never know if my career path would have been more ambitious and challenging if I hadn’t spent much of my time in college too hungry or obsessed with the number on the scale to focus on different goals.

I sound as though I’m making excuses for the paths my life has taken, but I’m not. I cannot, however, help but wonder what might have been different without the eating disorder. I don’t regret the choices I’ve made in my life, but I do regret the influence the eating disorder had over me, especially at a time in my life when there were so many possibilities in front of me.

Eating disorders like to tell us that we can’t live without them, that we can’t trust ourselves to be ourselves. That message not only facilitates weight loss but also loss of self-esteem and self-worth. It is a “chicken or the egg” situation—which came first, the low self-esteem or the ED? Either way, the two go hand in hand, and diet culture reinforces the partnership.

Let’s focus on gaining our best life

From now on, I’m going to think of how gaining is a good thing, something to aspire to with pride:

• Gaining can be a goal, not a failure!
• The confidence gained in my own judgment for choosing to recover from the eating disorder and to value my health.
• The knowledge gained from learning about the myths promoted by diet culture and the weight loss industry. Once learning these things, there’s no going back.
• The freedom gained from no longer allowing the eating disorder to control my thoughts and choices around food. The freedom to have that piece of cake or dish of ice cream and enjoy every bite!
• The compassion gained from learning that everyone has been raised in the same sludge of diet culture and that they are doing their best. Also, the self-compassion I have gained. I’m doing the best I can, too.
• The love and support gained by sharing my story. This alone gives me hope for the future.
• The power gained from standing up against the weight loss industry/diet culture, even if only within myself.
• The friendships gained by connecting with others in the eating disorder community who deeply understand what it is to walk in my shoes and me in theirs.
• The space my brain has gained without the cluttering of eating disorder thoughts and chatter. Now, I have room to think about more meaningful, joyful things.
• The peace of mind gained by learning to trust my body to take care of me and the wisdom to take care of it in return.

So, when the weight loss industry, diet culture, and the media continue to stoke fear about the word “gain,” it no longer has a scary effect. Fear of gaining no longer contributes to any failure to thrive. I can now thrive in ways I never thought possible, and I am genuinely grateful.