On being a peer mentor

On being a peer mentor

Recovering from an eating disorder can be a lonely experience. Even if a supportive team of professionals and loved ones is rallying around, feelings of isolation persist. Visits with therapists, dietitians and doctors are vitally important, as is the encouragement and support of family and friends, but sometimes that doesn’t feel like enough to quell the loneliness. Unless someone has walked in those shoes, many aspects of eating disorders are very hard to understand. This is where peer mentors come in.

During my eating disorder treatment and recovery, I didn’t have a peer mentor. I never even knew they existed until I heard about them on a podcast about eating disorders. At that point, I was in a recovery space, and the discussion about a volunteer peer mentor program piqued my interest; I knew this was something I wanted to do.

I also knew how helpful it could have been for me, during my treatment, to have someone to talk to who had experienced an eating disorder. While the appointments with my therapist and dietitian were beneficial, having more would have been nice. In becoming a peer mentor, I thought I could be that something extra for another person struggling to find freedom from the shackles of an ED.

Eager to learn more, I did some research and found ANAD, which stands for the National Association of Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Disorders (anad.org). Even though anorexia nervosa is the only eating disorder named in the title, ANAD supports people with all EDs. (When ANAD was founded around 50 years ago, anorexia was the only ED that could be diagnosed).

Requirements for becoming a peer mentor

I discovered that ANAD offered a peer mentorship program and a website explaining the various services and resources available in addition to the mentorship program, such as support groups, a helpline, and a referral service. One requirement for becoming a peer mentor is to be in a recovery space for at least two years. Having been in recovery for just over two years, I decided to send the information to my therapist for her opinion regarding the program, as well as whether she thought it would be something for which I was qualified. Once I got her approval, I applied to become a peer mentor.

The application process was easy but thorough, including an online interview. I was nervous about the interview, but my anxiety calmed as soon as the interview began. It was basically a conversation about my experience with my ED and recovery. I had never talked with someone else who had had an eating disorder before (as far as I know, no one on my treatment team had suffered from one). I found the experience satisfying and validating; I had found someone with whom I had a common bond. From that conversation, I discovered what being a peer mentor might be like and how helpful it could be for the mentee and in strengthening my own recovery.

Upon being accepted as a mentor, the next step was the training, which occurred online in reading materials and videos, plus several live online sessions with other mentor trainees. I was impressed with the depth of the training and learned a lot of helpful information. An unexpected perk is that what I’ve learned in the training has been useful in all areas of my life, such as becoming a more effective, empathetic listener. I’ve also learned that what is not said is as important, or more important, than what is.

Need for more middle-aged to older mentors

Another thing I’ve learned is that there is a shortage of peer mentors in my age group (I am 69) and an abundance of “older” mentee applicants. There is a perception that EDs primarily affect the young, but that is untrue. In my case, I was dealing with my ED from a young age but wasn’t diagnosed until age 64. In other cases, people have gone through ED treatment when they were younger, only to have the ED return later in life. Whatever the timing, talking with someone who relates to your stage in life can be highly beneficial.

The value of talking with someone who truly understands what it is like to live with an ED cannot be overstated. What doesn’t make sense to others makes sense to a mentor, and that is powerful.

The strength and power of these connections are a valuable supplement to ED therapy. (Mentees are required to be under the care of a therapist in order to participate in the program). The peer mentorship program is free to mentees. ED treatment can be expensive, so a free source of additional support can make a big difference.

Each cohort lasts six months, and mentors and mentees meet weekly for an hour via video call (Zoom, FaceTime, Google). Mentors also participate in monthly supervision calls with a team lead and other mentors, during which they can discuss questions and concerns. This creates a great source of support and community.

It’s not just about the food

I am currently working with my third mentee and have treasured the time I’ve shared with each one. Our weekly chats touch on many topics because EDs touch every corner of one’s life. It’s not just about the food, as anyone with an ED knows only too well. Being able to validate the fear that comes with weight changes, grappling with body image issues and implementing coping skills has been more rewarding than I imagined. The most important thing is letting someone know they are not alone in their struggle. I am honoured that my mentees have trusted me with their stories, and I’ve learned much from them.

The next step in my mentor experience will be to become a peer mentor team lead, where I’ll offer support to a group of other mentors. I’m looking forward to providing them with what my team leads have given me: encouragement and validation, the same things I strive to give my mentee each week. It remains to be seen how this next phase will go, but I’m confident I’ll receive whatever support I need from the wonderful folks at ANAD.

Eating disorders flourish in isolation and shame. Peer mentorship is one way to bring the ED and the person it lives within into the sunlight, to no longer be ashamed or alone. Especially in this diet culture/social media world that is obsessed with a thin, unsustainable ideal, it is no surprise that EDs develop in those of us who are vulnerable. There should be no shame in that no one chooses to have an eating disorder. It is not a flaw or a failure in the person but rather a flaw and failure in the world in which we live.

Editor’s note–Want a peer mentor? Want to be a peer mentor?

Various peer mentor programs for people experiencing an eating disorder are offered worldwide. Are you striving to recover from your eating disorder and could do with some empathetic and compassionate support from “someone who has been there”? If so, I encourage you to go online and seek a reputable, accredited peer support program that fits your needs.

If, like Nancy, you have done the hard work and recovered your healthy self from your eating disorder, I encourage you to consider becoming a peer support worker – there is much truth in the saying, “When I help someone else, I help myself.”

Together, we can make our world a better place.

– June Alexander