Category: motherhood

This article on improving access to eating disorder (ED) care is informed by my lived experiences, independent research, and involvement in the underappreciated field of quality improvement (QI). I live in the United Kingdom (UK), so my experiences and QI are of the UK’s National Health Service (NHS). However, this...

“Someone I loved once gave me a box full of darkness It took me years to understand that this, too, was a gift.” The Uses of Sorrow, American poet, Mary Oliver (1935-2019) “Life is not fair. Don’t expect it to be.” I was sitting in the psychiatrist’s consulting suite, feeling...

Kryptonite: something that can seriously weaken or harm a particular person or thing. * Compliments are generally seen as a good thing. Everyone likes to be complimented on appearance, intelligence, and accomplishments, to name a few. A sincere compliment can brighten a day that might otherwise feel dark and gloomy....

I am surrounded by 10 family members inside the National Library of Australia, Canberra. We are in a private reading room to visit my diary ‘family’, the early years of which are spread before us on a long table. Emotions bubble within—I feel exposed, unclothed, with my mind, heart, and...

I reached for the phone. I was ready to accept the guidance of my minister and psychiatrist so I could become a person with normal behavioural habits. ‘I will go to the mental health hospital this Sunday,’ I vowed. ‘If I don’t go I will defer my recovery. I want...

Almost a year has passed since Summer was diagnosed with her eating disorder (ED). I glimpse signs of recovery more often, but sometimes, we get thrown back into the darkness. The darkness doesn’t last as long now, though, before hope reappears. I know hope is always there despite being hard...

I have suffered from an eating disorder (ED) for 18 years, and I don’t know how to break free … I would like you to share strategies for those times when my ED is the only thing I can hear.  – M. I want to reach through the email box,...

Our life in survival mode continues. My daughter Summer and I have returned from another hospital admission and, like previously, are struggling to get back on track. The hospital admissions are always destabilising. We had hoped that a switch would magically turn in Summer’s head this time, but darkness remains....

My eating disorder has gone to Canberra, Australia’s national capital. The eating disorder has travelled there within the pages of my diary collection, acquired by the National Library of Australia (NLA). There, the eating disorder will be open to public scrutiny. Canberra is an eight-hour road journey from where I...

Our journey in the terrifying world of anorexia nervosa continues. We have roller-coasted over the past few months, and my daughter, Summer*, has turned 11. We have made some giant steps forward and a few small ones backward. The biggest one backward is being hospitalised again. Summer had been making...